Woke up this morning intending to finish the post I started yesterday, about my sweet little dog, only to find that a post I read last month, sighed, let go as just not worth trying to delve into all the tired old tropes it contained in a single post, has now been read by other adoptees.
To my way of thinking, everyone in the adoption community should have “gotten over” adoptees speaking up about their lived experiences a long time ago, I mean, adoption is so different today, right? You are educated now so you understand the depths of the adoptee experience. Only, I still see so many adoptive parents of today, asking about what could be going on with their child, then explain what she said and how she’s acting, for me reading it, is like looking into a mirror of myself at that age. The child’s words, actions, tell me she is going through what I experienced – and all the other adoptive parents point to everything under the sun, except for feelings about being adopted. You might know what it is from the adoption classes, but whatever it is, something stops you from recognising and admitting that your child could be struggling with adoption feelings.
None the less, getting back on topic. The post titled “The War on National Adoption Month”, filled with old tropes combined with a misconception of why the #flipthescript was started and angry that adoptees are speaking up. (an amazing storify compilation of #flipthescript tweets here)
Coming into the conversation on top of the post from adoptiondotcom that was brought up in the last couple of days. That post was titled “5 Things You Can Do to Show Your Adopted Parents That You Love Them” that was arrogant, dismissive, and downright demeaning that the author felt that adoptees needed to be told how to act like everyone (non-adopted) would just know to do. Things like thanking them for adopting them, calling weekly, writing notes in cards, calling them their real parents, not needing to know where you came from. Argh, if you want to read that post, you can find it here and don’t need to go back to the 1950’s to find it (adoptiondotcom has removed it after being contacted by many).
To save you the trouble and me having to link to “The War on National Adoption Month”. Tropes I spotted: These are angry adoptees and not like the vast majority of happy adoptees who are satisfied with their adoption (what I call the paper-doll trope because we are only capable of either/or, not both like real human beings are). They are blaming adoption instead of the system (apparently hasn’t read many posts). All the adoptees I know are happy and grateful they were adopted (because they’d obviously tell you what you have indicated is taboo). They are angry at what lead to the adoption, not the adoption itself, and I can separate those into neat categories (being as I’m not an adoptee, nor is it my lived experience, I have that privilege). They aren’t the adoptees who accept their adoptive family as their own, and have met their birth family, or have decided they don’t need to (apparently can’t listen with the intent to just listen to the words of adoptees).